Summer of the Lost Summer
Summer is winding down here and I’ve been trying to deal with a mélange of feelings. Having to cancel all plans in order to focus on my treatment has been difficult. And just when I thought 2020 was going to be the summer of the lost summer. I know I’m not the only one feeling like the summer came and went and nothing on the list of hoped-for activities got done. In particular, I feel the pain with many of my public school teacher friends, quite a few of whom had to start back to work at the end of July or the first week of August. How is that even possible? Below I talk about what I’m doing to deal with feelings of disappointment over my summer of the lost summer and how to rerail the derail.
Rerail the Derail
As we all know, shit happens, and plans get derailed. I’ve been thinking about how to dig out of that hole the last couple of weeks, both mentally and by taking action. A few things sprang to mind in my quest to rerail the derail. Although you’ve probably heard these before, I think they’re a good reminder, and hopefully they’ll provide some inspiration. Writing this post also gave me a chance to use the word “sprang,” which doesn’t happen everyday.
Seek Gratitude
Some could call this a reframing of “it could always be worse.” I prefer to shift that slightly negative view to something more positive. Gratitude is, by its very nature, a positive emotion. Seek gratitude — if you’re already down, you might really have to search for it — then acknowledge it by thinking about it or writing it down. If you’re not used to doing this type of exercise, it might seem difficult, but it doesn’t have to be anything complicated. Watching the sun reach the red-tiled roof of the building across the street from me early in the morning is one thing I’m grateful for. The noisy crows and occasional seagull, too. The fan that helps cool things off at night. You get the idea. Gratitude begets gratitude, so just keep seeking it out.
As you find things to be grateful for, I think you’ll find they become larger in scope. You start to see the forest for the trees, so to speak. In my case, I’m extremely grateful for the treatment I’ve had available to me, and the relative ease with which I’ve been able to go through everything. I was able to walk to the hospital for my physical therapy treatment, which was both convenient and allowed me to exercise. My surgery went off without a hitch, and I’m sure the radiation treatment will, too. There has been top-notch organization all along the way and, for the most part, the people I’ve interacted with have been extremely nice.
Downsize
At the same time that you’re increasing your awareness of things to be grateful for, you can also downsize or alter some of your original plans. Maybe you don’t have the time, energy, money, or whatever for that original Thing you were really looking forward to this summer. In my case, a writing attack like we had originally planned (out of town for a few days) won’t be possible when I make it back to Santa Fe. Time will be short and my writing attack partner will be working by the time we’re in the same geographical location. So, rather than mope about it, we’ve decided to do a one-day intensive writing attack on one of her days off, in town and probably at home. Granted, this will likely work better for her since she tends to flip open her laptop and start writing, whereas I tend to fiddle around before I can settle down, but maybe the time pressure will actually make it more productive for me. It’s not what we had originally planned, but I have a feeling a downsized writing attack will be just as good. And…I’m grateful for this opportunity.
Escape
We’re finishing the well-written mystery The God of the Woods over at Doorstoppers, and that has been a perfect escape from reality. The latest novel by Liz Moore has provided several enjoyable hours where I’ve been able to think about other people’s problems. Much-hyped, I do think it lives up to it.
Set mostly in August 1975 at a camp in the Adirondacks, the book weaves multiple POVs and timelines, and focuses on the disappearance of Barbara, the camp owners’ daughter. It’s not the first time a child of the owners has disappeared, though, and Barbara’s disappearance cracks open all the old wounds and mysteries from twelve years prior. Have you read this or any other of Liz Moore’s books? Let me know what you thought in the comments below.
One Thing to Look Forward To
Find one thing to look forward to, just one. If you’re always looking back, you tend to get mired in regrets or second-guessing yourself. Readjust your focus, though, and you can usually find at least one thing to look forward to. I’m really looking forward to eating an omelette made with whole eggs rather than just egg whites, and eating out at our favorite Chinese restaurant is going to be fantastic.
Reduce Your Field of Vision
If you see a lot of bleakness laid out before you, for whatever reason, reduce your field of vision. I find that narrowing my focus can help ameliorate feelings of stress related to something bigger that might be waiting for me down the road. I’ve known for some time now that I had my radiation treatment coming up at the end of this month. On its face, it’s not that big of a deal, not compared to some other things in life, but still. The diet, which I had to do for four weeks, was kind of a pain and required quite a bit of planning. Then there’s the fact that where I’m being treated, I have to be admitted to the hospital and spend at least two nights, potentially four, in an isolation “apartment” with several strangers. My introvert self would really prefer to be alone, but that’s not how it works.
However, overwhelm doesn’t really come into play if you only think about the very next thing that you have to get through. For me, it helped to set up a simple schedule for the diet. I worked out an easy five-day protein rotation (chicken, pork, beans, egg whites, pea pasta) and filled out the rest of the schedule with an easy breakfast and one salad per day. Somewhat repetitive, but not too repetitive, and it took away the burden of trying to think what I needed to cook on a particular day. I just finished my last cooked meal before my treatment (I made no-bake almond oat bars for breakfast tomorrow) so now I can put my feet up and finish watching Logan Lucky. I also met my upcoming roommates a couple of days ago and it’s going to be fine sharing a room with them.
Laugh
When all else fails, try not to take things too seriously. Laugh. A song I’ve always liked, and one that totally fits the situation right now is Radioactive. It’s from the 1985 debut album by the British supergroup, The Firm (Tony Franklin, Jimmy Page, Paul Rodgers, and Chris Slade). The lyrics are catchy and are making me laugh right now. Definitely not the effect they were going for, but there it is. “Turn me loose tonight, ’cause I’m radioactive” — which is gonna be me in just a couple of days, on the loose and radioactive!
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